Yes! Bacon is BACK! And I realize he’s been gone for a ridiculously long time. So long, in fact, that you may have forgotten about the little piece of fatty meat. This makes poor, neglected Bacon limp with shame. He’s hoping desperately that you will continue being his loyal fan and will tweet and share and spread the word that he’s back!
Lots of stuff has been happening and Bacon has a back log of summer posts to catch up on. But he’s more interested in an upcoming Halloween party. Bacon seems to have acquired some psychic tendencies because he tried on HATS on our trip to South of the Border! How did he *know* he might need a hat for the Halloween party?
Bacon thought maybe he could go as a PIMP! But he realized he couldn’t open his mouth to insert a gold tooth. He also couldn’t hold his pimp cane.
Maybe Playboy Bunny Bacon? After all, Bacon does seem to consistently lack clothing in his pictures.
Which came first.. the Bacon or the egg? Bacon’s favorite was chicken hat. But Trevor pointed out that the chicken looked like it was birthing Bacon. Leave it to Trevor to kill Bacon’s joy.
Despondent over Trevor’s remarks, Bacon attempted to drink away his sorrows at this handy table. But alas, there was nothing in the cup….
Bacon met up with a Giant Lizard and saved on some car insurance. Then went for a joy ride to see how good his insurance actually was…
Then this Bacon Cop came and gave Bacon a ticket! The audacity! Doesn’t he know Bacons stick together?
Bacon is really happy to be back and promises to have many more adventures. This Christmas he is one year old and I think he might need to have a birthday party!
It’s summer. I have 3 kids. Let’s face it. My summers can be hectic. We’ve been traveling a lot, taking many day trips and generally just chilling together. It makes for a busy summer.
So don’t worry. Bacon has been doing things. I have the photos to prove it. I just am not being a good blogger. Bad blogger! Bad bad!
Bacon will be back soon. Before you know it, his little fatty meat head and his vacant stare will greet your morning blog readings with his exclaimation “I’m BACON!”
Soon.
Bacon wanted to have some midweek excitement yesterday so, instead of hitting the typical pool, he decided to pay a visit to the black hole of Chuck E Cheese. I pointed out that it was a gorgeous sunny day and perhaps we could go on a bike ride. But Bacon took offense and growled “I’m BACON!” Oh, yea. Bacon has no legs. And he might slip off the bike seat. *sigh* So Chuck E Cheese it was.
When you first get to Chuck E Cheese, they stamp you with a number that is only viewable over a blacklight. This made Bacon extra safe. Since I was stamped with the same number, and other families are stamped with different number, Bacon can only leave with someone with a matching number. Given his recent kidnapping attempts, Bacon was happy for this extra precaution. He did have the urge to shout “I am not a number! I am a free man!” but, he’s not a man. He’s Bacon.
Being a black hole of monetary despair for many, Bacon always takes coupons to Chuck E Cheese so he doesn’t have to spend a fortune on tokens and pizza.
Then, after handing her his coupons, Bacon was tacky and asked for change from a 100 dollar bill!
Bacon is good at saving a buck. If you buy a Chuck E Cheese cup, you can bring it back for free refills on every visit afterwards. So Bacon got himself a free Orange Soda.
Bacon found it difficult to play many of the games….. I think he needs a phone book to sit on. And maybe some prosthetic arms and legs to help him steer.
Then Bacon tried to do the squeeze game. But the Gorilla tried to eat him! Bacon has bad lucky with tacky animals.
He escaped from the Gorilla and shot water at a Target with Ariel…
Bacon wanted to find the actual REAL Chuck E Cheese. But alas, all he found was the stupid robotic Chuck E Cheese. So he attacked him in frustration… but as Chuck E moved around and talked, he talked Bacon right off his snout. Bacon wondered why Chuck E Cheese was allowed to perform wearing boxers instead of pants.
Bacon REALLY wanted to ride a horse. But he has no feet to put shoes on….
“I’m riding a horse backwards!”
Then Bacon decided to make himself a card. He found it hilarious that the randomly generated card he got made him a Police Man! Which made him think of his favorite House of Pain song, Jump Around.
Then Bacon cashed in his tickets he earned…
And chose his prize. He only had ten tickets so he redeemed them for some Sweet Tarts. All in all, Bacon had a blast at Chuck E Cheese. It seems weirdness is embraced there, I mean, there was a giant robotic mouse in boxers singing. So Bacon didn’t feel too out of place. He’ll definitely make it back there sometime, if he can convince me we should go. 
Oh Bacon… We’ve missed you! Just where have you been, you crazy meat? According to Bacon, he was kidnapped by a rough gang of chickens who tried to use him to make Pasta Carbonera. He was trapped with Parsley, Fettuccine and foul mouthed wedge of Parmesan. I don’t know how he escaped and, needless to say, he didn’t take pictures. Poor Bacon. Getting kidnapped constantly!
So, to get his mind off the constant threat to his life, I decided to take Bacon with me to the Loudoun County Beer Fest. It was a little more crowded than I anticipated.
I got tickets from Living Social. Living Social gives discounted tickets to different events in the area. We’ve used them a few times and it’s always been worth it. Eagerly, Bacon handed over his voucher in exchange for his beer tasting glass and beer tickets! He got to taste four beers.
Most of the lines were too long and busy for me to take a picture of Bacon. But guess who was there serving beer? Our favorite person, Bill Madden from Mad Fox! He took time out from doing vitally important business on his phone to shove the server aside and help Bacon pour himself a taster of the lovely Saison. Go to Mad Fox and drink it. It’s good.
Bacon was a happy meat, all chillin with his Mad Fox Saison. He drank away his recent troubles and slowly forgot about his recent past.
Bacon is a lightweight. I guess after those tasters, he was a little tipsy and decided to head off to party….
Bacon! You’re greasing up the moon bounce and making it a slip hazard for the kids! And… that kid is trying to kidnap you! Run away! Run away!
But Ariel protected her Bacon, using her mad ninja skillz to rescue him. She was horrified to find that the heat of the day was turning Bacon a little crispy so she hurried him to the mister tent where he could cool off and floppify himself again. Ariel does not like Crispy Bacon.
Bacon was all feeling happy and hyper and bouncing around as we headed back to the car. These people stopped and cried out “What is that?” and Bacon innocently hopped closer to exclaim “I’m BACON!” But before he could say a word, the couple grabbed him and tried to drive off with him! omg, poor Bacon. His life is full of danger. He managed to grease his way out of the man’s grasp and hopped hurriedly back to the car, attempting to scream “I’m NOT Bacon!”
All in all, Bacon had a blast. He kind of wishes people would quit trying to kidnap him, though. He promises to have some more adventures. Maybe he’ll take a karate class.
Bacon has been feeling a little off lately. He’s been moping around the house and, when I cooked Bacon for breakfast one morning, he inexplicably started sobbing. I’m thinking he wanted the bacon raw. Could he miss his kidnappers? I’m currently trying to find out if nonhuman adopted sentient foods are covered under our insurance. In the meantime, however, the blog must go on and I insisted that Bacon needed to have some adventures. It might perk him up a bit. So we took him to the JSOH Air Show on Andrew’s Air Force Base! I admit, Bacon was pretty thrilled. I learned a couple things at the airshow- 1. My husband is no good at photographing Bacon. I guess he just lacks the patience to wait until Bacon poses his slippery fatty self into a position. I wasn’t happy with very many pictures. 2. This is a family event. So you’ll see more than just Bacon in some of these photos.
The first person we saw when we got to the Air Show was Sean D. Tucker , the stunt pilot for Oracle. We were camping out in the Oracle tent and got to meet Sean. Bacon thought he was pretty cool. He even signed a hat for Bacon!
After that we all got to see the Oracle Stunt plane. Bacon was so thrilled, but he couldn’t seem to keep his hat up out of his eyes. I think he was feeling pretty greasy and floppy since it was so hot out.
Since we were in this nice little tent area, they served us breakfast! Bacon enjoyed some bacon and eggs.
After breakfast, Bacon wanted to leave the tent and go out into the airshow and see the big planes. He was so thrilled! He’s visiting a big cargo plane here. He felt very small in that huge plane.
Bacon took one look at the Military Guy and leapt into his arms! Bacon really liked all the military people in their spiffy uniforms.
Bacon thought maybe he might like to be a pilot of this plane. It goes SO HIGH into the air that one has to wear a pressurized suit! Sadly, the man informed Bacon that the suits don’t come Bacon sized.
Bacon thought about being a laundry Bacon in the military, but decided doing laundry all the time would suck.
Maybe he could join the army? Bacon felt his flabby ab and decided he probably would never be “Army Strong”.
So he contented himself with flopping back to the Oracle tent and enjoying a beer.
Thanks Oracle! Your tent was full of free food and beer and a tremendous view of the air show! The customer service was superb and even a lowly little Bacon was accepted with open arms!
This morning, while we were all drinking our coffee, we heard a tentative knock. It was more like a slap than a knock. Like wet fat desperately trailing down the wood surface of our front door. Ice Cream looked up from the pomegranate vodka bottle he was nursing. Bleary eyed, he looked expectantly at me. “I don’t know who that could be,” I shrugged. Ice Cream can’t talk but he rolled awkwardly to the front door and hauled himself upright to look at me again. Oh. I had to answer it. Was *I* surprised when I did!
Looking exhausted was BACON!!!!!!!
Thrilled, Ice Cream scrambled to get his best friend a cup of coffee.
Oh, Bacon. We missed you so much! All of us here are so glad to see you home safe and sound!
Phobic Bacon heard of the kidnapping and reacted much the same way as Ice Cream: indulging in self destructive behavior. Poor Bacon’s friends! I do hope Bacon will come home soon. He’s been affecting sentient creatures across the States. They are all wallowing in self pity. Please bring Bacon home!
Chicken with Lips tried to console the distraught Phobic Bacon. But he would have none of it.
Is this the *end* of Phobic Bacon?
I was just chilling in Reston Town Center this morning, drinking a Starbucks and trying to keep my mind off Bacon when I spied the Bionicles. Apparently, they were on a search party to seek out Bacon and get revenge against his kidnappers. I wondered briefly: why? Why would they seek out Bacon? I mean, Bacon did kick their collective butts with his mad crazy good guy posse. But, like any cliche movie will tell you.. what’s a bad guy without a good guy to fight? So they *need* Bacon!
They stealthily made their way across the sidewalk and into the grass. Luckily no one spotted them….
Skopio deftly maneuvered his bulk down the stairs. They had an idea of where Bacon might be hidden.
For some reason, they thought Bacon’s kidnappers might be holding Bacon captive near a source of water so they could be subjecting him to Chinese Water Torture. But, alas…. the water almost drowned them! Run Bionicles, RUN!!11!!1!!!1
Bedraggled and exhausted, the riff raff returned to the drooly dog to report what they had discovered. The Drooly Beast was not happy that they had little to report back. Even he would like to see his Bacon returned safely.
So the Drooly Beast is imploring you.. PLEASE DONATE! Help us bring our Bacon back safe and sound!!!
For more information about the save the Bacon campaign, visit the Tribal Blogs website! Currently, he seems to be being treated quite well. He’s even getting some of his favorite foods to eat. However, if the kidnappers don’t receive their ransom, I may never get my Bacon back!
We’re all taking Bacon’s kidnapping pretty hard over here. I admit, we’ve been drowning our sorrows in sausage patties and fried ham slices. But nothing is quite taking the place of that luscious gleaming strip of happiness: Bacon. Taking the news especially hard is Bacon’s best friend, Ice Cream.
Today I discovered him shedding milky pink tears of despair on the floor. The floors just haven’t been the same without Bacon here to vacuum.
I roused him, only to have him roll awkwardly into the kitchen (you know how oddly shaped those cones are, they just don’t make for ease of movement!). Once there, he snagged a half full bottle of Peach Schnapps and collapsed, weeping dramatically. He had a few from the South of the Border shot glass Bacon brought back for him from his road trip, but the memories were too painful. He tossed the glass aside and downed the bottle.
Don’t let that smile fool you. Currently, Ice Cream is languishing in his unmade expanse of loneliness, cell phone by his side, awaiting some sign that his best friend is okay.
To make sure Bacon comes back to us Safe and sound, please go make a donation to Kickstarter to help fund the Tribal Blogs blogging conference!
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